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<title>More Raerity</title><link>http://www.raerity.com/index.html</link><description>All of it&#x2c; All at once</description><dc:language>en</dc:language><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><dc:rights>Copyright 2009 R&#xe6;rity</dc:rights><dc:date>2010-06-10T11:37:51+08:00</dc:date><admin:generatorAgent rdf:resource="http://www.realmacsoftware.com/" />
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<lastBuildDate>Thu, 10 Jun 2010 11:53:21 +0800</lastBuildDate><item><title>Back to Basics</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>None</category><dc:date>2010-06-10T11:37:51+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/dbb5c66361015973cd378b4baad3928b-49.html#unique-entry-id-49</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/dbb5c66361015973cd378b4baad3928b-49.html#unique-entry-id-49</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[So much has happened since my last entry - just shocking that I have not updated my blog since January! 


Now more than ever, I know you're all hoping to find out more, get updated on status.   I promise I will deliver very soon! 


I am in treatment right now, which does give me more time for contemplation.   So, hang in there!
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Giving Life and Accepting Death</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2010-01-04T21:42:03+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/5b349a75f2a2a2ef4b6ea832b572ba58-46.html#unique-entry-id-46</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/5b349a75f2a2a2ef4b6ea832b572ba58-46.html#unique-entry-id-46</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Not if you believe the beginning of the year to be a fresh start, an end to past endeavours, winding up of the previous chapter, and an opportunity to start anew, reset our goals, reshape our perspectives. 


On Boxing Day, amidst a scrumptious buffet of roasted meats, gigantic crustaceans, and endless pudding, the conversation touched upon only children, with the general consensus - including the only only child at the table - that children without siblings grew up lonely, with a tendency towards egocentricity.   I was eager to chime in with my experience of dealing with the progeny of China's one-child policy, but when the still child-free ladies volunteered their preferences on how many children they would eventually like to bear and mother, I remained quiet. 


...Certain aspects of my life are no longer about active decisions on my part, but really just dealing with the hand I've been dealt. ...  One part of my perspective on parenting that has clearly evolved: it's not just up to me to want a brood of boys (four!)   not even one will happen if I am not presented the opportunity to bear and raise children with someone who fits the bill. 


On the other end of the spectrum, in the very same last week of 2009, I was approached to be interviewed on an academic topic from the perspective of someone 'terminally ill'.   I'm pretty confident that I defy the medical definition of meeting death sometime in the next 6 months, so my instinctive reaction was to reject the label. ...  I stood under the hot, streaming jet one morning, lathering hopeful conditioner onto my parched and dehydrated head of dessert fern strung of radiation-inspired uneven regrowth, and mused:  Would I live longer if I didn't have cancer? ...  I've now examined life and death enough to understand that there is no random, nothing is really a co-inky dinky, and everything in good time. 

...As we counted down the final seconds of the year, we rang in a fresh beginning more meaningful than just a new decade. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The &#x27;C&#x27; Word</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-11-11T23:01:58+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/a81cac5f5f13cc7322c4dc798dc1eb2a-45.html#unique-entry-id-45</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/a81cac5f5f13cc7322c4dc798dc1eb2a-45.html#unique-entry-id-45</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[That application was not successful, but YAF contacted me a few months later about tweaking the project and re-submitting it to Operation Santa Claus (OSC), an annual fund-raising effort that supports a broad variety of charities and causes throughout Hong Kong.


...Essentially, the project seeks to use my personal creative expression to evoke the same from other young adults (between18-35 years) experiencing cancer, to encourage them to reflect upon their feelings, stories and journeys, to find strength and positive energy in that creative expression.


Structurally, it will involve a series of creative workshops encouraging participants to find their inner voice to articulate their experience with cancer through the written and/or spoken word, colour psychology, photography and visual media. 

...As project artist of 'The "C" Word', I will facilitate most of these workshops, leading this expression through primarily a voice narrative of my own, in both recorded and discussion format, invoking formulation of thoughts, emotions, or any kind of mental state into creative constructs such as writing, photographs and collage. 


I have been blessed with the ability to express myself in more ways than one, with just enough aggression to be vocal about anything I experience, and the desire to reach out and touch. 

...'The "C" Word' relies heavily on concepts of art therapy as bases of its structure, but I hesitate to label the program 'rehabilitation' or 'therapy' to avoid expectations of just that - it's not about achieving a rehabilitated state, we're not prescribing a cure. 

...Through the public exhibition, we hope to demystify many of the conceptual barriers that surround cancer: it's not a disease that only happens to old people, it's an epidemic that affects people of all ages.   Working with art education specialists, the program will also include guided tours of the exhibition for student groups and social workers, offering an interactive element, broadening the reach of the project to beyond the 80-100 workshop participants.


South China Morning Post and Radio Television Hong Kong are the key organisers of OSC, which means, have a laugh with me when you see my pic in the Post, or hear me on radio. 


...In preparing for an upcoming exhibition of a Beijing-based artist at the Gallery this month, I put my various composite skills to use once again, establishing much desired routine and stability in my days that were beginning to irk me with nonproductivity. 

... The fact that I've learnt to slide an update on my health down towards the end of an entry is not to be interpreted as a sign of priority-shift, far from it. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Home is where the Heart is</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>The Universe</category><dc:date>2009-07-31T19:01:55+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/37017c94c61f23394e28d630a1eeedb2-42.html#unique-entry-id-42</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/37017c94c61f23394e28d630a1eeedb2-42.html#unique-entry-id-42</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[You'd think with all the displacement experience, I would still be able to sit down and output creatively while I'm in between apartments, right? 


Straight after a two-week trip down under at the end of May, visiting years of stored memories and sorting $623 worth of coins in Australian currency, I returned to Hong Kong with a top priority of apartment hunting. 


...At night, I resorted to playing Sims to relief decorating anxiety, which if we had to lay it out in a formula, compounds itself by units of 10 per each apartment, 50 even, if already furnished, since I had to invariably remodel all the existing furniture, then replace with suitable pieces and colour. ...  I decorated them with an ideal budget, which of course offers swimming pools, pianos and hot tubs, that now exists only within the game. 

...Dear friends from Shanghai who visited me the very first weekend remarked how already lived-in my new home was, and commented that I'm not the 'piecemeal kinda gal'. 

...The June morning the world mourned the loss of the King of Pop, I set out on my home furnishing collection journey, riding in between truck driver and mover, on my sweet, sweaty ride to reunite with long lost shoes in storage, then onwards to pick up pre-loved pieces at five separate addresses. ...  My new shoe caddy had to be carried up thirteen flights of stairs, since it didn't fit into the elevator. 

... The purging mode must have consumed me way back in February in Shanghai, since I find I only kept a selection of my vast stemware collection. ...  I arrange to pick up said stemware at the vendor's home, a location that I instantly recognised as the taxi pulled into the driveway. 

...Their procurement aside, I decided later I didn't like them anymore - I was fooled by the colour and misjudged the size of the goblet. 

...With Ann staying with me these two weeks as well as my new home truly warmed by family and friends, I feel centred and earthed again.  ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>By the Law of Attraction</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>The Universe</category><category>All About Love</category><dc:date>2009-04-30T22:31:58+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/72e571f37df44660d074d414f407a697-38.html#unique-entry-id-38</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/72e571f37df44660d074d414f407a697-38.html#unique-entry-id-38</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[By the Law of Attraction, the podcaster had attracted a woman into his life, fallen in love with her, married her, had a child together, all archived in the last two years of podcasting. 

...How we experience whatever it is that we have attracted into our lives is solely dependent on ourselves: once we've ordered the soup of the day, it's up to us to enjoy it, or not. 

...One stormy evening stuck in a hotel in Taipei with typhoon number 17 (even typhoon signals are inflated and exaggerated over there), I had already exhausted options at the tiny hotel spa, and tried to find amusement online. ...  He grew ardent and impatient with the fact that I was not due back in Shanghai for another few weeks, and so proposed coming to Hong Kong to meet me the following weekend.   He had begun with a flimsy idea of hitching the next flight out to Taipei from Shanghai, but even if I welcomed him with open arms, it was quite evident from the forecast that Taipei airport would not. 


...Lying bare-skinned on massage tables, aware that your partner is relaxing to the therapist's warm, assuring touch, skin tingling, because you're experiencing the same yourself; sharing a vanilla bath in a design-savvy jacuzzi intended exactly for 1.5 which allows only room enough for one body on top of the other, for that (in)delicate duration of just thirty minutes, which they announce upon exit as if to challenge any aspirations of lewd conduct; leaving you alone again to rinse off with enough nozzles and shower heads for all kinds of dirty, but once again while the clock is ticking. 

...Images of the W interior and other lascivious thoughts lolled in my head for the rest of the week, even after I had swiftly forgotten about the cyber conversation and the man himself.


Instead of romancing an Austrian the following Friday night back in Hong Kong, I was heading home with an inkling of a long night out ahead of me. 

...I felt charged by the 'coincidence' &mdash; a fallacy in my book &mdash; and put on a dress that I had not dared to wear since its purchase, along with new Blahniks. 

...After four rounds of serious mixology and witnessing two individual guests consorting intimately then ascend together in the same elevator (I ran after them to check, like some giddy schoolgirl), we were inspired to continue our own Friday night. 


...It lingered, and before I had time to react, came the delectable brushing of the upper arm with the back of his index finger, followed by the confident stubble nuzzle at the nape of my neck. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The (Written) Word</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><category>All About Love</category><dc:date>2009-04-15T00:13:27+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/784d6d96e326fe8f84e8f9195092a151-36.html#unique-entry-id-36</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/784d6d96e326fe8f84e8f9195092a151-36.html#unique-entry-id-36</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[After the discovery of two tumours in the left hemisphere of my brain &mdash; frontal lobe: 0.7 cm and temporal lobe: 1.3 cm &mdash; and a sprinkling (6) of teeny weeny ones on the right this past week, I've been contemplating dysphasia. 


...Symptoms vary with the brain area involved, and the ability to put words in a meaningful order may be lost. ...  In some cases, improvement may be due to assumption of some language functions by other areas of the brain.


Despite my brother 'consoling' me that dysphasia would be the least of my concerns should these tumours be allowed to develop, stroke and paralysis being undoubtedly the more devastating scenarios, I just cannot help wondering how can life be, how can it possibly exist, if the ability to communicate, to express myself were stripped from me. 

...I sought the opinion of the most articulate person I know, Chris, a good friend in New York, one of my favourite writers ever, and a fellow lover of language, irony and absurdity.


...<tr valign=top><td>Me: </td><td>Have you ever thought what you would do if you weren't able to write? 

...<tr valign=top><td>Me: </td><td>I have about 8 tumours in my brain, Chris. </td></tr>


...Rae, it's hard to imagine: you're one of the most articulate people I've met. </td></tr>


<tr valign=top><td>Me: </td><td>This is the procedure I'm starting tomorrow. </td></tr>


...If I may borrow and share some inspiring ones from friends and readers of this blog, comments, quotations and words from which I have particularly drawn strength:


...If not turning invisible, or transforming energy fields by manipulating excessive radiation, then maybe a bit of supertronic linguistica would be handy, enhance the spoken word, while we're at it. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Rebirth &#x26; Resurrection</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><category>The Universe</category><dc:date>2009-04-11T01:13:41+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/0d7cb98394444ca71fa85718f460e67f-35.html#unique-entry-id-35</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/0d7cb98394444ca71fa85718f460e67f-35.html#unique-entry-id-35</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[A time of death and resurrection according to the biblical calendar, it has marked several beginnings of significant changes in my life. 


...Easter 2008: Return to Shanghai after an 8-month health hiatus due to cancer


...If you ever wanted to learn how to do lucid dreams or out-of-body travel or shamanic explorations that help you retrieve lost portions of your soul, this is an excellent time to begin.   You're in an astrological phase when the veil between this world and the other side is thinner than usual, and that means you could make connections that haven't been possible before.   If the things I mentioned in the beginning are too woo-woo or scary for you, there are other ways to take advantage of current conditions.   First, you could conduct productive imaginary conversations with the spirits of dead friends and relatives.   Second, you could do intense meditations in which you imprint the future with scenarios you'd love to see come to pass.   And third, you'll probably be able to incubate a highly informative dream by asking your unconscious mind a well-formulated question that you'd love to get guidance about. 


Questions: if these tumours &mdash; my cancer &mdash; are only symptoms, because they just don't seem to end, then what is the real disease? 

...Thank you for your prayers, I know I am in your thoughts.   Would love to hear from you, but email or text: I will be in and out of hospital in the next coming weeks and won't be able to answer voice calls.]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Cancer Circus Pt III</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><category>The Universe</category><dc:date>2009-05-05T00:15:46+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/1434d14ae23cd35502fc376fc978e6db-34.html#unique-entry-id-34</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/1434d14ae23cd35502fc376fc978e6db-34.html#unique-entry-id-34</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Because I had a series of boring, motionless dates with the literally radiating Wall E, and it will be another two months before the next round of MRI to see whether he has delivered his promises and/or other catastrophes. 


...She wrote with such rationality and precision that I ended up forwarding her message to my entire address book &mdash; sedated or not, I couldn't possibly have done any better. 


...Even with the low energy level, sleep was not always easy while in hospital, with a drainage unit attached to me like an untrained ayi, clumsy and awkward.   She was loud as well: the continuous suction noise had me thinking it was raining the entire night at ICU, and provoked me to shut her up in layers of toweling even during the days after. ...  Lounging on an incline, my back and bottom grew sore, but lying completely flat would probably have caused more complications when a pulmonary embolism hit me five days post-operation. 


...The emergency CT scan indicated a shower of blood clots blocking my major airways that was apparently foreseeable and even expected while recovering from such major physical trauma. 

...I savoured a transfusion of 3 full bags of blood &mdash; it coursed through my veins like V from True Blood, the sweet, invigorating life source it is &mdash; while Ann scored a photo with Josh Hartnett for her sister's entertainment in the name of cancer.   To Josh, who was wrapping up filming in Hong Kong, the 'sister in hospital' probably resembled a bald twelve year-old with leukemia in flannel pajamas, frail, pale and emaciated in a room full of balloons and teddy bears. 

...Seeing him, my best friend, was tremendously comforting; but seeing him, a familiar face from Shanghai reaffirmed the reality of the circumstances: this was not a parallel universe I accidentally slid into, not a surreal nightmare &mdash; this is it, there really is no escape. 


...Her yelling and frantic energy made me aware that even if I myself hadn't been on edge for the last two weeks, people who cared about me certainly were, and desperately needed relief. 


...I recall clearly that night at YY &mdash; one of our late night haunts in Shanghai where the badly mixed drinks and the smoky, bohemian atmosphere always have me drinking hot Lipton tea with a shot of vodka &mdash; when PT, Alfred and I sat around spinning yarn on piercings and tattoos. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Cancer Circus Pt II</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-04-07T01:02:47+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/1a6ad27cebccd786b0a2d200b0ff0c62-33.html#unique-entry-id-33</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/1a6ad27cebccd786b0a2d200b0ff0c62-33.html#unique-entry-id-33</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[After discovering a tumour from an ad hoc scan in September 2007, my parents and I met with emergency consultation the day we were scheduled to fly out to Europe for a family reunion on the Mediterranean. ...  From the results of tests carried out the previous day, it was determined quite clearly that there was a tumour in my chest, of a size and location definitely considerable for surgical removal: the mass was obstructing the superior vena cava, condition known as SVCO (obstruction), restricting blood flow, and hence I was congested chest up. 

...Not knowing at that point whether the tumour was benign or malignant, we were still in shock with everything happening so fast that we couldn't quite wrap our heads around the idea of the big C. 


...With in-room fridge (no, not exactly a mini-bar), LCD TV with cable, DVD player, wireless internet, bath toiletries from Kiehl's, and a choice of morning newspaper, optional private nurse and bodyguard at admission, it sure as hell felt like a 5-star luxury retreat. 

...Four days of airport transfers, an overnight stay in Venice &mdash; at a fully booked hotel where he had to reinstate accommodation on site which we had over zealously cancelled from London &mdash; and more layovers at Dubai International later, he arrived at the hospital, worn out and unshaven, looking very much like a terrorist.


...It was his birthday and I didn't want to avoid chatting with him, to miss out on wishing him the best on his special day, but it was tough skirting questions like 'Why aren't you sailing through the Mediterranean already?' 

...A prick in the foot is not so newsworthy when one has their feet up, but walking back and forth to the bathroom with a needle up my ankle to pass out contrast fluid was just bloody annoying. 


...I took extra time looking at myself in the mirror that evening, flattening my open palm against the skin in the centre of my chest, lingering over the smoothness, savouring over the even skin, accepting from the next day onwards, I would be scarred, for life.&nbsp;


...I laid still, and despite being too weak and numb to feel much, I knew there were tubes coming out of me: a drip in right arm;  drainage tube on the right beneath the rib cage; catheter from between my thighs; something going on in my left ankle; and an injection pod on my left wrist. 

...The tumour, 9 cm in diametre, was situated so that it could not have been clearly and entirely detected via imaging, and had invaded into part of the superior vena cava, as well as connecting sections of major blood vessels leading to the head.   He had to break away from the theatre, consult with my parents explaining the situation and offered one option: close me back up directly, administer chemo in the hope of reducing the size of the tumour, with a prognosis of just 6 months. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Power of Snail Mail</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>All About Love</category><category>The Universe</category><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-03-18T22:40:58+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/ef4d298dd26214c6e8b6cba1f872c905-32.html#unique-entry-id-32</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/ef4d298dd26214c6e8b6cba1f872c905-32.html#unique-entry-id-32</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Just as I was marveling at the power of personal (postal) mail and pondering how to express my awe and wonder, I receive a parcel in the mail. 

...In this modern age of electronic communication, of 3G, 3D, digital telephony, when legal papers may be arranged via Facebook, when a man is able to divorce his wife via SMS, when phone texting is already considered more personal than email, nothing quite beats the good old-fashioned, handwritten correspondence and packages by post.  


Today, I received a thoughtful package from Delaware, USA, containing a 2-page hand-printed note that was caring and attentive, accompanied by a customised DVD of favourite films and personal playlists.   Last week, it was Darrell Lea rocky road, and caramel fudge from a highschool friend in Sydney (a most well-intended surprise before I could post scribe to my previous entry that I now limit my sugar intake ) which I eagerly shared with friends.    

... Over the last 1.5 years, I have received packages from afar, large and small, music compilations (direct from Warner Music HQ no less), books, lingerie (whether that works for other cancer patients, I can't say), more frogs and just enough greeting cards and letters that still leave me ecstatic with joy &mdash; literally clapping hands &mdash; every time I am the happy recipient of snail mail.   The sheer surprise, the pure exhilaration from just knowing the time, effort and thought  committed to the process of making it all a reality never ceases to elate me. 


...From pen-pals in France to cousins in UK boarding schools as a teenager, and now addressing discrete PO boxes to entrusting Her Majesty's diplomatic bag to Sri Lanka, I've just never stopped writing.   More to the point, I adore the sight of my own hand-writing: If I look good in print, I'm the bomb in long hand, especially love letters. 

...Despite my increasing abhorrence for the treatment, I have only respect and empathy for those who are experiencing the effects of this toxic therapy, on top of the challenges brought on by cancer itself.   With these, and once in a while, these (attitude attached), I write to my brave patients not with the expectation of a response, only the hope that my supportive messages bring a smile. 

...While in Shanghai, I've especially enjoyed sending Chinese New Year greeting cards, partly because Christmas cards were never available until quite recently, but also because any one of the twelve animals for the year, in sheet metal stencil or paper cut renditions rank much higher in curio factor over the stocking, snow or Santa. 
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>New Raerity</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><dc:subject>Blog</dc:subject><dc:date>2008-10-17T00:20:59+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/91a7c6f924b5fe773acfa0b869907c0b-30.html#unique-entry-id-30</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/91a7c6f924b5fe773acfa0b869907c0b-30.html#unique-entry-id-30</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Updating the R&aelig;rity website had been a priority since its launch in December of 2004, two months after the birth of R&aelig;rity itself, my bedding and home textiles venture.   Like most best laid plans, web content refreshing was steadily surpassed by the more demanding areas of the business: product development, sales and marketing endeavours, distribution expansion.   By late 2006, R&aelig;rity had moved beyond the bedroom, and morphed into a full decorating service for residences in Shanghai, offering a complete, turn-key solution. 


Working creatively in a three dimensional platform brought me immense satisfaction, I was indeed fortunate to have had the opportunities to realize and execute ideas and designs that were both challenging and inspiring. 

...Always fluid and persistently in flux, life appears to take on a new direction for me every two years.   After life-altering change that manifested in the form of a rare (can it be otherwise?)   malignant tumour diagnosed in September of 2007, along with surgery for its removal and other adjuvant therapies later, R&aelig;rity once again shifts into a new dimension.   As my creativity evolves, I have decided to withdraw my energy and efforts from interior decorating and focus on using my voice to reach and touch. 


R&aelig;rity may exist as a separate legal entity, but it remains an extension of me.   The New R&aelig;rity website now also functions as my blogging platform, a tool to keep me writing consistently.   From nothing in four years to weekly updates - extreme and drastic is how we like it.  
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Food with Love</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Yum Yum</category><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-03-09T15:03:07+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/d1c20a2d284e573bd6e47b584f84812c-29.html#unique-entry-id-29</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/d1c20a2d284e573bd6e47b584f84812c-29.html#unique-entry-id-29</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[The rest is a mixed bag of fish, also both cooked and raw, (not seafood, but maybe a prawn here and there) and complex proteins that I simply cannot resist picking at when presented at my table: roast duck, pigeon, chicken feet, duck tongue, cheese, eggs. ...  I mourned the scrumptious loss of roast geese when live flocks were 'ingested' by both engines of the Airbus A320 before being minced then marinaded in the Hudson River.


Along with supplements of vitamin E and flax seed oil (both 1000 mg soft gels), I follow a nutritional juice regimen (吳永志: 不一樣的自然養生法), the brainchild of renowned doctor in natural medicine and fellow lung cancer survivor, Dr. ...  I also try to eat at least one completely raw, organic meal and drink at least 2 litres of water every day. 

...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>	&bull;	Fresh chives, with spears, par-steamed</td><td></td><td>	&bull;	Feta (unmarinaded) or Goat's cheese cubes </td></tr>


...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>	&bull;	3 cloves of raw garlic, ground </td><td></td><td>	&bull;	Mix lime juice with ground garlic and onions </td></tr>


...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>	&bull;	Juice of 2 fresh limes </td><td></td><td>	&bull;	Add balsamic vinegar, sea salt </td></tr>


<tr valign=top><td></td><td>	&bull;	Balsamic vinegar  </td><td></td><td>	&bull;	Mix well and marinade for at least 10 minutes </td></tr>


<tr valign=top><td></td><td>	&bull;	Pinch of sea salt </td><td></td><td>	&bull;	Add olive oil, ground black pepper, mix well </td></tr>


...I'm also trying my utmost to eliminate excess sugar from my diet, which is wise for anyone with cancer, but especially since tumours are now found in the pancreas in my case.   I have also begun one of the natural alternatives to cancer treatment, Essiac, a herbal supplement from Canada, as well as trying out the combination of cottage cheese and flax seed oil as recommended by the Budwig protocol.]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>The Face that Launched a Thousand Tears</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-03-03T14:10:57+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/310f5766eb3bb7dcc2d48b7dde0c58fd-27.html#unique-entry-id-27</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/310f5766eb3bb7dcc2d48b7dde0c58fd-27.html#unique-entry-id-27</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[There were nights after I popped the pill (at USD 90 a pop, you'd think they'd throw in a ride) I'd wish I didn't have to wake up in the morning, because I knew I wouldn't be able to open my eyes completely. 


...It wasn't vanity pushing me to despair, but the sheer inability to focus and concentrate on anything longer than twenty minutes because the physical discomfort around my eyes, nose, corners of my mouth, my cheeks was just too distracting, frustrating: almost all of the five senses were constantly aggravated and angrily screaming for relief. 

...Low immunity resulting in a cold I couldn't kick for a week &mdash; along with nose bleeds from a legal drug, how far down the glam scale have I sunk?! &mdash; teamed with low energy had me chucking a tantrum at my mother over the phone, wailing petulantly, 'I don't want cancer anymore!' 

...There were nights when I realised that I craved the non-sexual physical intimacy, the kind I am least familiar with,  that I knew would soothe me emotionally, that through the corporal, through touch, body heat, and more tears, the mind would accept it will all be OK.   I am lucky to have experienced what I sought, under no pretense, no misunderstanding, just pure, unadulterated giving, with trust and strength. 

...Following a skin regime that Ann dug up for me online (though the author of that useful wisdom didn't quite make it), my doting parents stocked up on just about every type of organic skin care product with aloe vera for me and displayed it all apothecary-style in my room. ...  Together with the warmer temperature in Hong Kong, humidity in the atmosphere, the new nutritional juice regimen as well as the toughest initial weeks of therapy over, I am regaining spirit in the transition back in my parents' home and even venturing into make-up again!


After packing 54 boxes &mdash; I supervised &mdash; shipping 8 m&sup3; of only personal effects (no furniture) to storage, mailing 3 extra large boxes via China Post, then flying with 77 kg of Summer wardrobe, I did it. 

...I have another month of therapy before the next scan to determine where we are on this cycle, but the worst should be over, and I'm game and ready to roll.   Get in touch and join me here in Hong Kong for any or all of Art Walk, Arts Festival, Literary Festival, Film Festival and my favourite opera,  Carmen!


...Blogging allows me to respond to many personal FAQ, communicate creatively and therapeutically my health status (yes, I do get lazy with fan mail) as well as everything else I want to express. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>All About LOVE</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>All About Love</category><dc:date>2009-02-15T12:48:56+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/97965015b999afa810396e0c175c3b22-26.html#unique-entry-id-26</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/97965015b999afa810396e0c175c3b22-26.html#unique-entry-id-26</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[This Valentine's Day, I shared my love, and nearly all my worldly belongings with friends.   Sugar-coated, maximum calorie sweetness.   L.O.V.E.S.   I.T.]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>7 Year Itch</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Shanghai&#x2c; Shanghai&#x21;</category><dc:date>2009-02-16T20:17:22+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/96d3d62d0d252d2c0a44737745cc5285-25.html#unique-entry-id-25</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/96d3d62d0d252d2c0a44737745cc5285-25.html#unique-entry-id-25</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Trawling the footwear department at IFC Lane Crawford, Hong Kong, this past CNY-recession-rock-bottom-prices-my-ass-sale, where I tried on one Michael Kors fur boot and was informed the left foot had gone walkabout, or rather hopabout, the stylish disarray of last season's collection reminded me of my life in 2008: colourful, displaced, courageous, exhausting and of course, global and glamorous. 

...From September, 2007 to October, 2008, I had spent collectively only 8 weeks in Shanghai, the city I have called home for the last 7 years. 


I had packed a suitcase full of bikinis and cruise wear when my life was spun into cancer circus, and spent much of the following 6 months in modest (!) ...  I was adamant in keeping my apartment here in Shanghai throughout this time because I defiantly wanted to return to the life from which I was so suddenly and unexpectedly removed. 

...Basking in Ed Hopper's light at Cape Cod, riding through the seductive Sahara, cruising down the (boring) Blue Danube, all truly let things fall into their natural, needleless perspective. 

...Of course, I would rather leave on my own terms, a sustainable income as a voice talent based in New York would be just swell &mdash; if I'm leaving now not for a financial reason, I certainly sat tight in the last few months because of one.   Yes, that global one &mdash; and upheaving my Blahniks for a relationship with my oncologist isn't exactly my ideal exit, but health should be a priority.   So, much as I live to defy logic, much as I loathe to leave my twin custom-built shoe caddies (complete with sun-shielding blinds), moving back to Hong Kong is the grown-up thing to do for now. 


Whatever the reason, knowing the next stop on my journey is the positive thing that takes me out of limbo, that indirectly answers the questions that had plagued me for months: Where do I want to live if I left Shanghai? 

...So many have kindly offered to help me pack (compulsive accumulation x 7 years = a lot of crap), when in truth, everyone knows my OCD wouldn't possibly allow it. 

...This solo downtime is also precious for processing and internalising the situation, truly appreciate what is happening to my body, away from the institutionalised expertise, to my mind, my spirit, and hopefully move forward with this knowledge as well. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Day 5</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-02-09T00:43:41+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/ced98677706e53cb883a65613a4ec3df-23.html#unique-entry-id-23</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/ced98677706e53cb883a65613a4ec3df-23.html#unique-entry-id-23</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[rash, diarrhea, anorexia, fatigue, dyspnea, cough, nausea, infection, vomiting, stomatitis, pruritus, dry skin, conjunctivitis, keratoconjunctivitis sicca, abdominal pain, decreased weight, edema, pyrexia, constipation, bone pain, myalgia, depression, dyspepsia, dizziness, headache, insomnia, alopecia, anxiety, neuropathy, flatulence, rigors.


I wouldn't think depression is so much a side effect of the medication I am taking right now as initial reaction to the list of side effects themselves. 

...Recovering from surgeries and radiotherapy are a walk in the park, a dip in the pool even, compared to the hell I went through as a few of the above side effects kicked in on Day 5 of my target therapy this past weekend.


...Keeping my eyes open was painful since I was stretching the dry skin of the eye lids; talking or eating hurt since the corners of my mouth were cracking. ...  Everything I used, ultra-sensitive facial moisturizers, after sun lotion, aloe vera gel, shea butter, all either stung from too much fragrance, or did not absorb at all to relief the dryness. 


...I ran to Ann - who has now returned to London, whom I miss very much - and announced that I don't have cancer, I'm just a muff-diver with an allergy. 

...The next day, I woke up, still pretty much in the same condition, my face dry and taut, in pain. 

...I was mummifying myself with cotton pads soaked in water while watching Heroes season 3 (would Ali Larter's schizophrenic triplet character just accept her super powers already and deal, for F's sakes!?! ...  with PT, when I pulled out a tube of Aveeno moisturizer at his suggestion since it is known to be very mild and hypoallergenic. 

...I still have 20 odd days left of this course of therapy, and maybe the worse is yet to come, maybe I get to try out each and everyone of those side effects above.   But just knowing over 100 people have died from the bush fires in Australia, singed alive while fleeing flaming inferno caused by nature itself, I am grateful with my mere sunburn on the face.
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Cancer Challenge Continues</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-01-31T17:35:57+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/8ef2c635c03e7b5146691c4c3d1c1b1b-21.html#unique-entry-id-21</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/8ef2c635c03e7b5146691c4c3d1c1b1b-21.html#unique-entry-id-21</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[  I told myself back in December that I would complete writing 'Cancer Circus' as a personal review of what and how everything transpired in regards to my health as affected by cancer before my annual PET scan on January 10th. 

...Seasonal festivities got the better of me, and before I could finish that entry of a detailed account of my experience, I was once again sitting in the patient chair at my doctor's consultation room. ...  One and half years after my first surgery, and radiation, cancer cells have spread from the mediastinal thymic region (between upper lobes of the lungs) to my pancreas. 


After specialist consultation, a CT scan, an endoscopic ultrasound biopsy, more specialist consultation, amidst an agonising week of contemplating mortality, life, life without a pancreas, life with diabetes, life with an external appendage of seeping fluid, and life as an average (heavens forbid!)   33 year-old woman, we have reached the conclusion that the new tumours found in my pancreas are metastases of the original cancer cells (muco-epidermoid) from the primary site. 

...Of the limited treatments and therapies offered by conventional, mainstream medicine, I have decided to experiment with a target therapy in the form of oral medication, which prohibits alcohol abuse - how will I cope?! - along with a monitoring regime of regular PET scans (my fast track to Chernobyl). ...  Despite my growing belief that modern medicine is invasive, toxic and even damaging rather than healing, I still count my blessings in the efficacy of the network of expert professionals and technical resources that my father has laid accessible to me. 

...If, in the grand scheme of things, that's an 'alright', and it very well can be, then yes, I'm actually feeling, and looking (thanks to one-on-one personalised yoga) pretty effing fabulous, since I am not YET symptomatic. 

...I've accepted that it's about co-existing with them in a harmonious environment, containing and managing their growth as well as my own mental expectations and development. 

...Apart from hanging out in hospitals, commenting on ward renovations with friendly nurses, it has also been a time of celebration for Chinese New Year here in Hong Kong. ...  Life does go on, and there's not much room for anger, regret or self-pity because moments, good or bad, expire. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Cancer Circus Pt I</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2009-03-29T14:54:10+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/da4b23b62e1eed4cc9e3ccfd6eb5c5c5-19.html#unique-entry-id-19</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/da4b23b62e1eed4cc9e3ccfd6eb5c5c5-19.html#unique-entry-id-19</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[When I browse through the discussion groups on community forums for people dealing with cancer, I read about cancer survivors taking years to pen their stories, or extensive durations of time to work through the memories of the ordeal, the challenge, the pain, both emotional and physical, that they went through before expressing it all in print. 


I, on the other hand, probably because the written word is so dear to me, because I enjoy writing so much, had consistently written about my experience throughout the last year and more, albeit in fragments, mainly to friends and family as email updates in response to all the well wishes that I so fortunately received. 

...It's been over a year and half since September, 2007, and I want to summarily review what happened, this time of my life that I coin 'cancer circus'. 

...The first indication of me being symptomatic, I remember, was PT observing how my face was the roundest he had ever seen under the trilby hat I wore to the Shanghai Contemporary of 2007, which took place the first week of September. 

...I remember as well, prior to that, from August, every morning as I stepped out of the shower, I started feeling a tightness around my chest, a heaviness that made it difficult to breathe. 

...Except for a deep cut on my shin that required stitching and antibiotics (and only received an alcoholic swab and bandage since I was unperturbed), I never sought medical assistance throughout my seven years in Shanghai.   And since I was soon joining my parents in Hong Kong to set off to Europe together for our family reunion in the Mediterranean arranged long ago, I knew I could consult my father soon enough about my inflated face. 


...All I could think of was my mother's cruise-planning efforts for the last six months, and all of us scheduling our lives separately in Shanghai, Hong Kong, London, and Sydney to make this happen, so that we can get on a boat and sail through the Greek Islands. ...  Dad was gentle, as he always is, and assured me that if there's nothing of concern after seeing the specialist, then we will be traveling very soon. 


I wasn't unsettled throughout the ride home, just a little surreal, still trying to wind my head around the idea that we were not getting on a plane the next day. ...  I was still feeling guilty from derailing everyone's plans and even tried to persuade her not to come, she might want to use the leave she applied for from work to go somewhere else. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>One for All Senses</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><dc:subject>Blog</dc:subject><dc:date>2008-12-20T12:27:52+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/f7772e2b21fab5b8f029d3f742aa70d4-18.html#unique-entry-id-18</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/f7772e2b21fab5b8f029d3f742aa70d4-18.html#unique-entry-id-18</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[	 <br>Last week, I voiced a corporate video for some smooth, silky, lingering chocolate.   It was an internal, non-broadcast piece about market growth in China and therefore did not require so much of the luscious, velvet touch, or tones really, to sell the milky swirls.   Was I offered any of the product as perks during the recording?   Consuming dairy coats the vocal chords with mucus that clogs the throat and results in instant professional death by chocolate. 

...As a relief from the bitter, winter cold, I like to go toasting to warm up the body thoroughly as well as give my slow circulation a bit of a stir.   Now that I have been exposed to enough radioactivity to match Chernobyl, I gave up my tanning salon membership that also maintained my healthy glow.   Instead, I opted for an afternoon of beauty maintenance and pampering: oxygenating facial, rejuvenating eye-treatment, along with a full body scrub, followed with a short steam, then an all body mud mask under a heat wrap of 75&deg;F. ...  I slithered slimily as not two, but four deft hands smothered every inch of my bare skin with warm, dripping, aromatic chocolate.   I giggled under wraps and sweated away, luxuriating in heat. 


My sweet tooth is awakened, as well as heightened, especially during the holiday season. ...  Gourmet fudge brownies on request, baked from scratch, no less. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Just Not Enough</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>The Universe</category><dc:date>2008-12-12T18:47:01+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/5fe15a62a134bc1e7f2a8fda1af121f9-17.html#unique-entry-id-17</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/5fe15a62a134bc1e7f2a8fda1af121f9-17.html#unique-entry-id-17</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[At a small gathering this week, it came up that a friend's brother was killed in a car accident back home in Europe.   Our friend received the news while out at a bar here in Shanghai, his reaction itself that day could only be described as 'awful, simply awful'.  


A close friend of mine yesterday informed us that he found his sister dead in their mother's home in the US earlier this week.   She had died in her sleep, proper cause unknown at this point.   She was in her mid-thirties. 


How are we supposed to reconcile with life's injustice and cruelties?   How does one begin to accept that life can indeed be unfair, and be at peace with that when there's still so much pain to wade through?   Where do we find the strength and courage to trudge ahead?   Why didn't our loved ones have enough of the same strength and courage to make it through in the first place?   Why simply isn't there enough of it to go around? 


Bloody full moon again, the biggest of the year. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Coming Soon</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><dc:subject>Blog</dc:subject><dc:date>2008-12-07T18:16:22+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/ed61520fd8cc3d7bc20f7eb1105a890b-16.html#unique-entry-id-16</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/ed61520fd8cc3d7bc20f7eb1105a890b-16.html#unique-entry-id-16</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(null)]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Glamour in a Bowl</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Yum Yum</category><dc:date>2008-11-30T19:29:38+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/cdedb1d447aa042ebad05816b8f43cb9-15.html#unique-entry-id-15</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/cdedb1d447aa042ebad05816b8f43cb9-15.html#unique-entry-id-15</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[What scrumptious delight I laboured for Thanksgiving dinner:


...Beluga for flavour.   Red for colour. 


...	&bull;	Cut open avocados, mash into bowl


	&bull;	Blend in caviar with non-metal spoon


	&bull;	Squeeze in whole lime.   Enlist help from strong, male dinner guest


	&bull;	Pinch of salt.   Dash of ground black pepper


Serve with crudit&eacute;s, crackers and pre-dinner cocktails. 


The next best thing I make: Dinner Reservations. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Spontaneous Combustion</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Shanghai&#x2c; Shanghai&#x21;</category><dc:date>2008-11-28T17:34:46+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/1ce68dba45cf9fabcd279862af7544c9-14.html#unique-entry-id-14</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/1ce68dba45cf9fabcd279862af7544c9-14.html#unique-entry-id-14</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[One of the reasons why I love living in China: random fireworks. 


Isn't the ending heartwarming?


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]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>&#x3c;font color=&#x22;#CC3300&#x22; size=&#x22;3px&#x22;&#x3e;&#x3c;b&#x3e;WARNING: Xplicit&#x3c;/b&#x3e;&#x3c;/font&#x3e;&#x3c;br&#x3e;Any Given Shanghai Sunday</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>All About Love</category><category>Shanghai&#x2c; Shanghai&#x21;</category><category>&#x21;/&#x26a;k&#x2c8;spl&#x26a;s&#x26a;t/&#xa1;</category><dc:date>2008-11-16T21:18:12+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/bb4556d9db7784708dd1bb2d2885d478-13.html#unique-entry-id-13</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/bb4556d9db7784708dd1bb2d2885d478-13.html#unique-entry-id-13</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Yeah, I thought about heading out with you guys, but I saw my booty on the dance floor. ...  But I was so drunk I passed out in my dress, didn&rsquo;t even wash my face! 

...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>Z:</td><td>We were hanging out at the bar together, and he asked me back to his place. ...  I just couldn't deal with the yakking and groping, so I slapped him and just ran out. </td>


...<tr valign=top><td>1052</td><td>Z arrives at X's </td><td>Your neighbors were so checking me out! 

...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>X&Z settles into X's bed </td><td>So tell me what happened. 

...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>X: </td><td>So, I saw what's his name at the club and asked him what his options were. 

...<tr valign=top><td></td><td>Z: </td><td>So he didn't come? 

...<tr valign=top><td></td><td colspan=&rdquo;2&rdquo;>Z swings round her right foot and smacks X on the head while X focuses on phone. 

...<tr valign=top><td>1240</td><td>Z texts Y: </td><td>X kicking me out for return booty. 

...<tr valign=top><td>1422</td><td>X texts Y: </td><td>Oh that I did, sweetie! : ) You guys still there? ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Full Moon</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>All About Love</category><category>The Universe</category><dc:date>2008-11-14T22:18:55+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/60f81ae9edda3ebf5dc398be8fe0f8f3-10.html#unique-entry-id-10</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/60f81ae9edda3ebf5dc398be8fe0f8f3-10.html#unique-entry-id-10</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[She wants very much to stay in touch, to be there for each other as they both deal with the mental as well as physical challenges that life has dealt them. 

...After her U.S. trip in the Spring, she returns to Shanghai for two weeks only, before heading to Europe for a second attempt at the family reunion that got rerouted to the hospital the previous year. 

...Long after she forgets about him completely, he surprises her online one mid-August afternoon when she is just returned to Hong Kong from the desert in Morocco. 

...She would have returned to Shanghai by now, well before his arrival, but she is bound by family affairs in Hong Kong after the sudden death of a dear uncle. 

...She leaves him her contact number online around the time he is supposed to have arrived in Shanghai, but does not hear from him until a week later, on Halloween. 

...He apologises online two days later, from Singapore, for not returning her call, explaining that his schedule just got out of hand, and that he will be back in Shanghai in four days. 

...At first he thought they could meet in the evening after his shoot, then later he discovers he had client servicing duty over dinner and drinks. 

...She considers whether she should call him by 2 in the afternoon on Thursday, since she has not heard from him at all that morning . ...  Annoyed, but determined not to be upset, she goes about her plans for the afternoon, and meets up with girlfriends at 5 for drinks that were scheduled the week before. 

...They have been in the same city at the same time for almost two full weeks, and they still don't manage to see each other. 

...She tells him as much, and he wants so much to comply, but is due to fly out to Hong Kong at 2 in the afternoon. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>My Moroccan Hump</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>All About Love</category><category>Going Places</category><dc:date>2008-11-03T22:18:34+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/a107a2dc776199b40b69b17c7f72453b-9.html#unique-entry-id-9</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/a107a2dc776199b40b69b17c7f72453b-9.html#unique-entry-id-9</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[What was not so picturesque were the dozen odd other travelers also camping with us, two of which, armed with their own private stash of aromatic herbs, annoyingly giggled the night away under the stars. 

...As I led the caravan out of the sand dunes back to base camp in the morning, I could see Mohammed, our driver, from afar, hovering about the vehicle, waiting eagerly. ...  Oh, the sweet rush of knowing one is wanted, as the very object of anticipation, even if by a way off shot of one's target demograhic. 

...At the beginning of our three day excursion to Merzouga, the south-western part of the Sahara, Mohammed had explained that driving the same route across the desert for him was a different journey every time. 

...Mohammed injected the concept of love into our discussion with such fervour and agony in his voice, such sweet torment in his eyes, especially when he described the pure idea of la femme. ...  Just as our first day on the road was winding to a close, he delighted us with an explanation of the Berber massage, which, unlike certain types of massages in China, are sexual favours offered by men without consideration. 


...I was half expecting an ambush of muslim fundamentalists tearing me away by the hair, to be condemned and stoned for such lascivious behaviour.   I refused to swim, but it was a sweet, meaningful exchange that late afternoon, perched on those rocks by the mossy creek, about life, the universe, woman and man, his soul, my spirit. 

...It was exactly the environment where I would've loved a bit of rumble in the dirt, and all the talk about love and sexual taboos had indeed been so titillating. 

...After lunch the following day, Mohammed plugged in a new MP3 adapter he had just bought for the car that he didn't own, to play the Chinese songs he found just for me, by a pop icon (邓丽君) he didn't know.   And off we went, my face out the window, the wind in my hair, riding through the sweeping vastness of nothing in Northern Africa, languid in the August heat, listening to the dulcet melody of 小城故事.
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>What I did today last year:</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><dc:subject>Blog</dc:subject><dc:date>2008-10-27T17:12:28+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/3548e6b9cad6e7ec205d3e5b5ead7db2-8.html#unique-entry-id-8</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/3548e6b9cad6e7ec205d3e5b5ead7db2-8.html#unique-entry-id-8</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[(null)]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>A New Age</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Going Places</category><dc:date>2008-10-25T01:24:53+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/e116b7f2f09a1bec0302471d92e7a135-5.html#unique-entry-id-5</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/e116b7f2f09a1bec0302471d92e7a135-5.html#unique-entry-id-5</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[Once in a while, I like to wake up in a different environment.   A year out of cancer circus, my birthday this year is also a little more special than others.   On the morning of my 33rd birthday, I woke up in Shenyang, with PT poking my face. 

...Imperial Palace of Shenyang, a UNESCO World Heritage Site. 


...<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3096A.jpg" width="80px" height="100px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3096A.jpg" /><br /></span></a>


<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3084A.jpg" width="80px" height="100px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3084A.jpg" /><br /></span></a>


<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3120A.jpg"width="80px" height="100px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3120A.jpg" /><br /></span></a>


...<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3108A.jpg"width="120px" height="85px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3108A.jpg"/><br /></span></a>


<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3117A.jpg" width="120px" height="85px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3117A.jpg"/><br /></span></a>


<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3089A.jpg"width="120px" height="85px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3089A.jpg" /><br /></span></a>


<a class="thumbnail" href="#thumb"><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3148A.jpg"width="120px" height="85px" border="0" /><span><img src="http://www.raerity.com/images/shenyang/img_3148A.jpg" /><br /></span></a>
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Memory Management</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2008-10-23T12:59:33+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/e87ed102af9babcf62927ceb361d7d63-4.html#unique-entry-id-4</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/e87ed102af9babcf62927ceb361d7d63-4.html#unique-entry-id-4</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[It has been a slow few days of recovery from a very mild chill, coldly reminding me of lower immunity, a weakened system that could once regenerate with only extra water and a good night's sleep. 

...Lying very still on my back, I'd wonder if I opened my eyes, would I see the clock on the left wall, showing the hour but not quite telling the time since I have no idea how long I had been under.   I would tilt my head just a little, to feel for any nasal tube up my nose, or was I breathing unassisted?   I would part my lips and swallow, to taste for blood from where the intubation tube might have scraped the back of my throat.   I would feel for my right thumb, to see whether it was perched on that button of a gateway to morphine bliss.   I would wiggle my feet, careful not to shake my left ankle too much, where the drip may be running through. ...  I would listen out for that suction noise behind me to the right, from the drainage unit sucking out pleural fluids via a hose sprouting somewhere from my body, a sound that had me thinking it was raining all through the night. 


...And finally, with my left hand, I would gingerly reach for my chest. 

...For a few fleeting moments, I would allow my memory to wander, to search for new haunts even.   I would then savour the fear, understanding it a little bit more each time, and appreciate that it is healthy to be afraid.


Inhaling at least two deep breaths, filling my repaired lungs with fresh air, I'd open my eyes, wipe the tears off my cheeks, then smile towards the light. ]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Appreciation</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><category>Cancer Talk</category><dc:date>2008-10-22T01:15:24+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/6c41d71f4da13a5f80dde3d5fd680afa-2.html#unique-entry-id-2</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/6c41d71f4da13a5f80dde3d5fd680afa-2.html#unique-entry-id-2</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[With a hole in my throat


a sty in my eye


I thank the forces at be


at least there are no staples down my chest
]]></content:encoded></item><item><title>Where do i begin?</title><dc:creator>rae@raerity.com</dc:creator><dc:subject>Blog</dc:subject><dc:date>2008-10-21T00:37:32+08:00</dc:date><link>http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/e30c2fab57dfe251f6200b5cfeb7ac36-0.html#unique-entry-id-0</link><guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.raerity.com/Blog/files/e30c2fab57dfe251f6200b5cfeb7ac36-0.html#unique-entry-id-0</guid><content:encoded><![CDATA[some time circa 2002


Friend:		You should start a blog.


Rae:			Yeah, I know.   But I just don't know where to start.


Friend: 		There are plenty of websites out there online that are easy to use. 


Rae:			No, I mean my life.   So much happens in my life, where do I begin? 
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